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''I've brought along my mother for the evening.''Hello, you smell nice - bit like chip fat.''How do you do? I was here rather early.''Don't mind me scratching, it's just anal scabs.''Now, why don't you pop into the bathroom and make yourself look nice.''Yes, and it's not just Greek 'food' that I like.''Please take note, when it comes to paying the bill, I am not having a starter or coffee.''Yes, I have been on TV - but I don't like to talk about it.

Now if you'll just wait, I have to describe you on Twitter.''I'll order for three. I was on Crime-Watch.''I hope you enjoyed yourself tonight - because, thanks to my lifetime pass, I can take you back to Spearmint Rhino as often as you want.''I'm just going to the bathroom to freshen up - oh, and have a massive shit - so you order.'M x Still absorbing the shock - my lovely girlfriend has decided to end the duo sessions she enjoyed with me.

Our Saviour is always with us.''Hello (puts finger in ear). I completely understand her reason (no argument or blip between us), in a nutshell it's that her new car has 'location tracking' so she wants to act now, as an avoidance of possible home troubles.

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